How Do I Get My Child to Do What He Or She is Supposed To?

We all get upset when we cannot get our children to do what we want. Rather than waste one more second trying to figure out how to get your child to do what you want, ask instead, "How shall I respond when my child refuses to do what I want?" Notice how you do respond when your child does not do what you want and you are trying to figure out how to get your child to do what you want (or think is right). Is it the way you want to be responding? Is it kind? Is it understanding? Is it confident? If it is not, what are you teaching your child? Are you sure this is what you want to be teaching her/him? Ask yourself, if you are getting upset, "Why am I getting upset? What are my assumptions? How will my upset help?" If you are anything like me you will notice a subtle, or not so subtle tendency to defend, justify and explain your upset, rather than sincerely question the validity and usefulness of it.
You may notice that you are quite convinced that what you want is the right thing, or is good for your child.
Even if you are right, is demanding, insisting, forcing and coercing the right thing, or good for your child?.
Have you noticed how you, your children, anybody reacts in the face of demands? Why do you suppose we would rather defend, justify, and explain our upset? Is out upset not just a sign of our need to get our way? Rather than trying to figure out how to get your way, (is this not what you are doing when you are trying to figure out how to get your child to do what you want) I suggest you spent your valuable time and energy figuring out who should get their way when what you your child wants differs. Imagine the nature and tone of the discussion you might have with your child if you sincerely present them with the challenge of how to decide who should get their way when you differ, and how much each of you should get their way. Instead of wasting one more second asking, "How do I get my child to do what I want: ask, "How do I want to respond? How shall I decide who will get their way?" Happy Parenting.